Gotta Get Back to Her...

Lately, I have just been feeling odd. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I don't know if its because of certain people who have been a part of my life, but I almost feel like I have these different "ideas" of who I am, or who I should be, based on all these expectations from the people around me. I need to get back in touch with ME; who I am, what I like, where I stand, what I believe.

Only problem is, I don't really know how to do that.

I think I've let certain things people have said to me affect me more then I should. I've allowed people in my life to determine my worth, when really, my value cannot be determined by anyone on this Earth. The world tells us you're only beautiful if you fit this mold, you're only special if you have this talent, you're only important if you have this item.

I want to get back to that place in my life where I didn't care; when I knew that the only opinion that mattered was God's. He is the only one that really matters in the end. And I want to remember that He thinks I'm beautiful, He thinks I'm special, and He blessed me with many talents.

I need to get back in touch with my spirituality, on all levels. I don't pray like I used to. I don't read scripture as much as I should. I don't take time to just meditate and breathe. Those things need to become priorities again. Being religious is easy, its being spiritual that takes work.

I'm trying to take control of my life, and that includes taking better care of my body. My parent's have been having some health scares and it just reminds me of my own mortality. We only get one body; one chance to live life. I'm proud of the changes I've made so far, but I still have a ways to go. I've realized I love my body. It isn't perfect, but its mine. Will I ever be a size 2? Nope. And I don't want that. I just want to be happy and healthy.

Also, I feel like I'm ready to "settle down". I've been having fun, and I don't regret anything, but I know what I want, and I want a family. I want someone to share my life with. Waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life sounds amazing.

So the goal is to get "me" back. Remember who I am, love who I am, and appreciate the life I've been blessed with. End of story.

Baby Love!

So today, one of my coworkers comes up to me and tells me that she had a dream about me. Things have been kind of rough the last couple of days, so I immediately ask if it was a good dream (the last thing I needed was some nightmare). She then proceeds to tell me the best thing! She dreamt that I was at our store, with my very own baby girl! She had the biggest, most beautiful blue eyes, and gorgeous auburn hair. Totally made my day! If there is one thing in this world that I want, it is to be a mommy. And OF COURSE, I would LOVE a little girl! Now, how I would have a little girl with blue eyes, I just don't know. I love the idea though! Fingers crossed I get that little girl, and hopefully in the near future :-)

And a year later...

Ok. I really am no good at this. Its been over a year since I posted anything on here, and to be honest, I almost forgot my little corner of the blogger universe even existed. So, so, so much happened in the past year, but here are the highlights: worked, had boy drama, moved out, subsequently moved back home, and here we are! Aww life. Such a crazy roller coaster! I pretty much have said this in almost every post on here I think, but I really want to try and be better at this! It'll be like...therapy. Maybe. Anyway, for some reason, I am feeling uber positive today. Its so weird. I'm basically in love with everything and anything I see and I have no idea why. Its not something I'm going to question, because it feels amazing. So in order to get all my thoughts and crazy love emotions in order, I'm just gonna make a little list of some of my "loves" :-)

• Green tea. Its just wonderful. And oh so healthy.


• MUSIC! If there is one thing in this world that makes me happier than music, I just do not even know what it is. I love it so much, I tattooed my body for it. That is pretty much hardcore devotion. And I love all sorts of music. I know people say that a lot, but I seriously do. My iPod on shuffle jumps from Mozart's "Piano concerto in A Major-Adagio" (which is honestly the most beautiful piece of music ever written. Look it up, listen to it, thank me later.), to Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train", throw in a little old school Frank Sinatra, and finish it all up with Lady Gaga, and you've made the rounds in music genre. Yes, my iPod has multiple personalities, but seriously, nothing can change your mood or make your day better than an amazing song. Music is life! And who doesn't like to shake their booty every once in a while?


• The mountains. Holy cow, they look unbelievable today! All snow covered with a perfect blue sky backdrop and perfect, fluffy white clouds?! Uh yeah. What is better than that?! Doesn't matter who or what you believe in, somebody, somewhere created a pretty beautiful world for us to enjoy. So lets enjoy it.


• My friends...you make my life worth living.


• My family... you made my life possible. I've come to realize that friends may come and go, but family is the one constant point in life that always remains. I can't wait to start my own someday because of the amazing family I've been blessed to have around me.


• Second chances. Every person deserves one. End of story.


• Yoga. Lets get that chakra in sync.


• I love being in love and being able to love. No matter who or what that emotion is directed at, its the best feeling in the world. Can it hurt? Oh my goodness, yes. But how AMAZING does it feel when its good and fulfilling? Best thing E.V.E.R.