People Always Ask, So Here's the Answer

People often ask me (or want to ask and don't because they're too worried about my reaction) why we lost our Hunter, after what was a perfectly healthy and normal pregnancy up to that point. I have what's called cervical incompetency. During a normal pregnancy, your cervix begins to thin and dilate because of contractions. With incompetent cervix, the growing pressure in the uterus causes the cervix to open, oftentimes without any pain or contractions, and usually occurring in the second or third trimester. It's a rare thing, only around 1-2% of pregnancies have this issue, but nearly 20-25% of second trimester miscarriages are caused by this. This is something I had never heard of, but after our loss, some of the things that happened at different OB visits made sense. I never completely understood why the nurse was pushing on my stomach during an internal ultrasound, or what it meant when they said "Oh, good! Cervix is nice and long." All I knew was "OK, well they said it was good so whatever that means, at least it's good!" Most of the time, incompetent cervix can only be diagnosed by experiencing what we experienced: preterm labor. After we had Hunter, we had the option of having an autopsy performed, but decided against it. We did, however, go with testing the placenta which showed I had chorioamnionitis, which is a bacterial infection in the womb and most often associated with prolonged labor (the good news is, it's kind of like chicken pox. Get it once, probably won't get it again.) Whether the incompetent cervix caused the infection, or whether it was a combination of the two, we'll never know.  But, we do know that things will be very different the next time we get pregnant. For starters, most women don't see their OB until around week 10, or at least before week 13. I will be seeing my doctor immediately. Like, placing a phone call to his office right after I see a second line on that pregnancy test. I will not only be seeing my OB, but a high-risk OB as well. I will most likely be taking weekly shots of progesterone during my second trimester, as well as bi-weekly ultrasounds during weeks 15-26 of the pregnancy. Before I hit 14 weeks, I will have a surgical procedure done to place a cerclage, which is where sutures are placed in your cervix and then removed when you hit about 34-36 weeks ( Most of the time, an emergency cerclage can be placed up until 4 CM. By the time doctor's checked me in the ER, I was dilated to 5 CM.) There will most likely be no sex during pregnancy, limited physical activity period, and my doctor has told me that strict bed rest (sometimes starting in the second trimester) is often prescribed. That could mean months of staying in bed, only getting up to use the restroom and to go to doctor appointments. It definitely won't be an easy experience, but I am willing to do anything and everything to make it to 40 weeks and deliver a healthy baby that we can bring home and raise. It's slightly terrifying to think of trying again, knowing the possibilities of complications and with the loss that we've already experienced. Sometimes these extra steps don't prevent another loss, but I refuse to let the fear chase away the possibility of joy. Someday, and hopefully someday soon, we will start on this journey again, and with the proper steps and help will hopefully give Hunter a little brother or sister. I want to share this information, not just to answer the questions many family and friends have, but also to bring awareness to this. I'm not the first to lose a child to an incompetent cervix, and unfortunately, I won't be the last. We are not alone in this, and this is something that more awareness needs to be brought to. It's treatable, it's possible to have a healthy baby, and if there was one thing, one piece of advice I could give to any first time mom it would be to listen to your body. I knew something was wrong, and even though my first visit to the ER left me with doctor's saying "You're fine", I knew that something was not okay. Listen to that voice. It won't lead you astray.