I'll Love You Forever, I'll Like You For Always, As Long As I'm Living, My Baby You'll Be

Dear Hunter,

I can't believe the day has finally arrived. Your due date. I always knew you wouldn't wait until the 30th, but never in my wildest imagination could I have expected you to arrive so soon. We said our "goodbyes" at the same time we said "hello". Sometimes, it still feels like a dream. Like I'll wake up tomorrow with a huge pregnant belly, and we'll be packing up our bags to go to the hospital to welcome you to the world. Daddy and I try to not be sad, but our arms are aching to hold you. I never knew how you could physically miss someone, how your arms could reach out for someone who is not there, how the emptiness can fill you up and you feel drawn to something you cannot have. Then there was you. I never knew I could miss someone so much because I never knew I could love someone so much! You are a part of me, and I am a part of you, though you are out of my reach here on Earth. We are eternally connected, and sometimes, I truly do feel you so close...your beautiful spirit fills up the emptiness inside me and we are one and whole again. I try and imagine what you would look like today, and I'm sure you'd be a chunky little thing. Would you have daddy's eyes? I wonder if you'd have my dark hair, or if you'd be blond like daddy. You did have daddy's nose, his mouth, even his feet. I never knew how much I loved daddy until I saw just how much daddy loves, and still loves, his son. He's a good man, and I know that's why you chose him. You probably had a hand in bringing mommy and daddy together, in fact. We hope you know that you will always be a part of our family, we hope you send us little brothers and sisters someday, and we will tell them all about you, their big brother. We'll tell them how you were so special, how you defied what doctors said and fought and kept your little heart beating for an hour and forty minutes, and we'll tell them how now you are our guardian angel, always with us and always watching over us. I long to hold you my son, and I know I will someday, but it just feels so far away. I like to think that for you, my sweet boy, it will be just like a blink of an eye. You're wrapped in the love and light of all our loved ones who have gone before, and I'm sure there was a beautiful reunion when you returned to them all. Do you know how much we love you? I'm sure you do. Every time I think of you, my heart swells, and sometimes that love runs out of my eyes. But every tear is just a message from me to you saying "I love you". You will always be our special little guy, our firstborn, and I cannot wait until the day we are together again. I'll probably never let you go, sorry in advance ;-)

Love,

Mommy