Lately, I have just been feeling odd. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. I don't know if its because of certain people who have been a part of my life, but I almost feel like I have these different "ideas" of who I am, or who I should be, based on all these expectations from the people around me. I need to get back in touch with ME; who I am, what I like, where I stand, what I believe.
Only problem is, I don't really know how to do that.
I think I've let certain things people have said to me affect me more then I should. I've allowed people in my life to determine my worth, when really, my value cannot be determined by anyone on this Earth. The world tells us you're only beautiful if you fit this mold, you're only special if you have this talent, you're only important if you have this item.
I want to get back to that place in my life where I didn't care; when I knew that the only opinion that mattered was God's. He is the only one that really matters in the end. And I want to remember that He thinks I'm beautiful, He thinks I'm special, and He blessed me with many talents.
I need to get back in touch with my spirituality, on all levels. I don't pray like I used to. I don't read scripture as much as I should. I don't take time to just meditate and breathe. Those things need to become priorities again. Being religious is easy, its being spiritual that takes work.
I'm trying to take control of my life, and that includes taking better care of my body. My parent's have been having some health scares and it just reminds me of my own mortality. We only get one body; one chance to live life. I'm proud of the changes I've made so far, but I still have a ways to go. I've realized I love my body. It isn't perfect, but its mine. Will I ever be a size 2? Nope. And I don't want that. I just want to be happy and healthy.
Also, I feel like I'm ready to "settle down". I've been having fun, and I don't regret anything, but I know what I want, and I want a family. I want someone to share my life with. Waking up next to the same person for the rest of my life sounds amazing.
So the goal is to get "me" back. Remember who I am, love who I am, and appreciate the life I've been blessed with. End of story.
