Did you watch as your baby sister played with her Easter eggs today? It was her first Easter egg hunt, but I'm sure you know that. Do they have Easter egg hunts in heaven? I hope so. I close my eyes and I can see you, running around, blue eyes shining and blond hair tousled in the breeze, picking up as many eggs as you can fit in your basket. You're always running ahead of me when I picture these moments with you. Maybe that's because you already have. But you always turn around and smile at me. Like my imaginary version of you is reassuring me that you're okay, that you're happy and safe. Maybe it isn't just my imagination. I know that you're in the safest place you could be, I really do. A place where you'll never know cruelty or sorrow or heartache. Selfishly, however, I wish you were here. I wish you were running around our backyard with your cousin earlier this evening. I wish I had to tell you to leave your sister's eggs alone, that sharing was important and good. I wish you were at the dinner table, asking me to cut up your barbecued chicken. I wish I had to fight to get you to go to bed tonight, after eating way too much candy. It's the littlest things that I miss. And especially tonight, when I should be getting your Easter basket ready for the morning, I miss you so much it feels like I might jump out of my own skin. Every atom aches to be near you and there is no relief to be found in this lifetime. What a blessing it is that we have a Savior who made it possible for us to be reunited. Death has no power over us, it just separates us temporarily. I love you, son. Happy Easter.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
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