May All Your Troubles Last as Long as Your New Year's Resolutions....

I don't know how I feel about making resolutions at the beginning of a new year. I guess I just don't think we should wait to make changes that will better our life, yet there is definitely something to be said about a "fresh" start. I've been really, really thinking about what I'd like to see change in 2012, so here is a list of some of the resolutions I've decided to go with (and hopefully stick to). Some of them are ridiculously standard, cliche, everybody says them, every single year, but who cares. Its my life, its my 2012, and I'm going to make it the best year it can possibly be because well, I deserve it!

1) Reconnect with my spirituality. Whether this entails going to church, reading scripture, meditating, praying, enjoying a walk on a beautiful day, etc. I just feel such a deep need to get back to a more spiritually centered existence. It makes every day a little easier, and Lord knows (literally), I need all the help I can get.

2) Lose weight. Pretty standard, but I want to be the healthiest being that I possibly can be. There are so many things I want to do with my life, and I want to be around for a looong, long time. We only get one chance at life, we only get one body, and we should treat our bodies like the temple that they are. Our bodies are the houses of our soul, and if the house is crumbling, the soul will struggle.

3) Become my own best friend. I've come to realize that I say things to myself that I would never, EVER say to another human being. EVER. The relationship we have with our own self is one of, if not, the most important of all relationships. There is no truer statement than that of needing to love oneself before another can love us. I want to fall in love with me. I want to recognize my infinite worth as a woman, daughter, sister, friend, lover. I want to believe, to my core, that my existence matters, that I make the world a better place by simply being in it. By loving who I am, and accepting who I am, I can allow others to do the same. I need to find peace with myself, learn to accept the things I cannot change about myself, and love who I am; good, bad, ugly, scary, beautiful, tragic, sad...all of it belongs to me. I want to own my light, and my dark. I want to know be okay with just being. This will be the beginning of a life-long romance.

4) Be more thankful. Its far too easy to see all the negative. Sometimes, I allow myself to become overwhelmed by the hardships of life. In all reality, I don't even have any idea of just how painful life can be. I am so incredibly blessed. I will strive to recognize those blessings every minute, of every day. I will also be sure to let God know how much I appreciate the life He has given me. How selfish it is to not be thankful.

5) Be more kind to my family. Its unfortunate when you realize that you treat strangers and friends with more love and respect than you do your own family. There truly is no excuse. My family is beyond amazing. I could not possibly be more fortunate. I have had many people come and go in my life, but my family remains constant. No one will ever love me more, support me more, and care for me more than my family does every single day. We all know that we can say "I love you" until we're blue in the face, but its the acting out of those words that makes the difference. This year, I want to show my family just how much they mean to me.

6) Trusting God. I struggle, at times, with trying to see the "bigger picture". I'm impatient. I'm stubborn. And when I make up my mind about wanting something, you better believe that I am not going to be pleased if I don't get my way. This past year, I had many instances where I've questioned God's motives. Many things changed, and I was not ready, nor welcoming to those changes. So many things that I wanted so badly it was painful. Every atom of my being yearned for God to grant me what I was asking. And when things didn't go as I had hoped, I was angry. I could not understand why God would not give me something that I felt was absolutely central to my happiness in life. Was He punishing me? Did I not pray hard enough? We are not allowed to know what lies ahead. We do not get immediate answers to why hardships come our way. We may not understand, but at the end of the day, God does. He knows what is best for us. He only wants us to be happy, and even though we might think that something will bring us happiness....sometimes, its not so. And God saves us from the things that are not worthy of us. I need to trust in His infinite wisdom, and let things simply be what they are.

There are plenty of hopes and wishes for this year, but as per my #6 resolution, I'm not going to stress over them. What is meant to be, will always be. This year, I'm going to focus on me. Would I love to meet an actual decent male? Of course. But I need to work on being the type of person that I would want to be with. We attract what we put out. I'm going to date myself for a bit. Get to know who I truly am, and work on being the best me possible. Its time to be a bit selfish :)

2011: In Memoriam AKA Highlights and...Lowlights

New people.
Changes in my job.
Gained a sister.
Birth of a perfect baby nephew.
Unrequited love.
Loss of an old love.
New, deeper relationships with family.
Tattoo.
Piercing.
Learning pool shark skills.
Plenty of reading.
Epic hole in one during a mini golf outing.
Tears.
Laughter.
Kisses.
Sleepovers.
Documentaries.
Scrabble games.
Best birthday thus far.
Water balloon fight in the rain.
Little America adventures.
Late night conversations.
Boy dramas.
Heartbreak.
"Trueblood" marathons.
Passing along "Trueblood" addictions to others.
Goodbye to a loved one.
Goodbye to meat.
Missing the loved one.
Not missing the meat.
Changes in friendships.
Discovering what is important.
Working on letting go of what is not important.
Learning more about myself.
Learning more about what I want.
Learning more about what I deserve.
Learning to be okay with being a little selfish.
Lowest of lows.
Highest of highs.


Loss has been a part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has love, for which I can only be grateful. To have loved and lost is truly better then never knowing love at all. To love, is to live. And to be alive is the greatest of all blessings. 2011 was a year of growth and self-discovery. Many lessons were learned, and as per usual in my case, they were learned the hard way. For this new year, I am going to strive to remember all that was taught to me by the trials and tribulations that were sent my way. Everything happens for a reason; the good, the bad, the ugly. Its all part of why we're on this Earth. Learning, growing, experiencing, and changing in order to be the best we can be.

"Like a phoenix, something beautiful will rise from these ashes."

<3